Khrystina-Lee's Blog

[Psychic Diary June 25, 2010]

The pregnancy prediction Flower

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1. The deep subconscious reason why you want to become pregnant, what are your motives. – Trees = Growth – Teaching me responsibility and helping me grow mentally and emotionally.

   2. What will pregnancy make you feel? Your initial reaction to it. – Bridge = Reconciliation – Coming to terms or acceptance that this is where I am in life.

   3. How will you grow during pregnancy – Emotionally, spiritually etc.. – Old Couple = Hope – A new beginning?

   4. When are you most likely to become pregnant? (The season, or how many months or years, can be intuitively divined.) – Crossroads = Judgment – This was the confusing card for me. Does this mean I will or am pregnant because of poor judgment in partners? Crossroads could suggest that I will when I decide to and the decision is in my hands. It is also possible that it will occur when I’m at a crossroads in my life. Which kind of happened when I decided it would be in poor judgment for me to go any further in the friendship with Eddie.

   5. How will pregnancy effect your life – Materialistically, your career, your finances etc.. – Champagne = Victory – A new beginning, a fresh start with much growth

   6. How will pregnancy effect you relationship with your partner – Positively or negatively etc.. – Old Man in Rowboat = Solitude – my friendship with my last partner will dissipate and possibly become nothing. He will play no part in the child’s life.

   7. Are you likely to have a boy or a girl or twins? – Grey/fair haired man – Boy

   8.What will the baby bring to your life at the moment? In terms of joy, or problems etc.. – Key – Inspiration, motivation to be a better person, abundance and joy

   9. Is it the right time to become pregnant? Should you wait? – Evil eye/All Seeing Eye = Spiritual – Another card that baffled me. My feeling with this card is that I am already pregnant and that it happened during a very spiritual or pivotal time in my life. Or possibly illness.

   10. What will the prospective birth of my child be like? The experience of childbirth. – Storm – complications, financially and emotionally possibly even physically.

   11. What will i feel like after the birth of my child? How will pregnancy and child birth effect you mentally etc.. – Thinking Man = Doubt – Fear if I will be a good mother

   12. What will your new life be like with your child? What is to come.. – Note under the Door = Surprise – Blessings and good fortune

   13. The ultimate thing you need to consider right now before becoming pregnant.. The Focus.” – Child with her Puppy = Happiness – I will be satisfied and content with the choice(s) I have made in my life and with raising my child.

This is the tarot spread I used to figure out whether I was pregnant or not. Using Oracle cards is the best way to use this spread, traditional tarot cards were harder for me to read and more confusing.

Every time I see a dream and chase it I run into hurdles. I always find myself running at full speed ready to leap over any obstacle in my way! I see the first hurdle and lunge into the air only to fall and scrape my knee. I wail like a small child who thinks they are dying from a tiny scrape. I am not dying! I get up and start running again tripping over hurdle after hurdle after hurdle and with each fall the scrape becomes a cut and then a bloody gouge until I cannot run anymore.

Finally I am running again and this time with a beautiful scar where I had repeatedly fallen before. I have started off a bit slower this time being more aware of what may lie ahead. I am speeding up and am feeling invincible, unstoppable, nothing can stop me now! I see the hurdles up ahead and I am ready! Hurdle 1! Yes, success! Hurdles 2, 3 and 4! I can see my dream just around the bend, I am almost there! Hurdle 5! I am soaring! Flying down the track! Hurdle 6! My toe catches and I fall. A tumbling but not quite fatal fall in which my scar reopens into that gaping gouge and my other is scraped and my right elbow.

Everything is visible now, everyone knows. I bandage myself up to hide it all, to hide the pain and scars and I continue to move, to trudge, to try and dream again. I am awkward and moving slowly, but I am moving, I am beginning to find motivation. And soon, I will be running this race again.

[Diary Entry June 23, 2010]

After pulling out the Elizabeth Gilbert book <i>Eat, Pray, Love</i>; I sat and meditated on some of the scenarios she had written about. I was knocked out of my socks when she was writing about her divorce with her husband and how she didn’t want to be married anymore. This whole story reminded me of the most recent love affair I just went through and how I was longing for my own space and my single life back. Technically I was still single, but I was sharing my life, my food, my bed, my body. Nothing was just mine anymore and it bothered me. He wanted my time and I wanted to sleep. He wanted to hang out and I was on a schedule because I had errands to run or people to meet up with. I realized that <i>I</i> didn’t want to be married anymore either. And as I dove further into the book and read about how she lost/gave up everything and started a new fresh clean slate in her discovery to find herself I realized that I was focusing far too much on the negative and what material things I had lost recently. And in focusing on the worldly objects I had lost I was losing myself, I was not in alignment of who I truly am and lost my true identity.

After noticing what I have been doing to myself by demeaning myself because of a loss of finances during a truly spectacular life lesson and love affair; I came to the conclusion that I have gained so much more. All the confidence, ambition, self-respect, friendships, and love that I have gained in the past two months totally outweighs all the money I have lost. All the people I have met along the way on my life journey lately have been a complete blessing. Whether it be a co-worker, lover, family member, a close friend, a couch surfer, that annoying bum on the bus, grocery store clerk, a long lost best friend, tattoo artist or a customer wanting a cup of coffee. Every person I have come into contact with in the past two months has played an important role or had an important monologue in my life. You are all blessings to me.